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Holding sand


Frozen sand on the lake in Muurola
My favorite passage in the Bhagwad Gita Chapter 2, verses 62-63. In these verses, the Lord Krishna explains how attachment causes desire, which leads to anger, then confusion, then weakness of memory and intellect and eventual ruin. I try to remind myself of this passage as often as I can, but, as human nature would have it, I often forget and cave to attachments anyway.
Fortunately, fate, the Universe, God—take your pick—has a way of intervening when this happens. Take my most recent reminder that came through a friend. Despite the frustration I was causing him, he patiently explained the reality - a reality I was so adamantly denying because it did not fit into the outcome I wanted. His words stopped the attachment that I had begun to form to an unlikely outcome.
Ever since coming to Finland, I have been trying to take things as they come. I try to not think about whether things will work out or not and focus on just completing the tasks ahead of me. This detachment may be because of the circumstances that brought me here, which were random and unexpected. I applied for the Fulbright grant without particularly thinking about whether I received the grant or not. I wanted a goal to work towards and applying for a Fulbright seemed like a good goal to have. The thought of coming to Finland didn’t occur to me until after I had been accepted.
It has been in those instances when I became too attached to the outcome that things have started to unravel. The situation with this friend was one but there have been several. I expected a conference to go a certain way but was left disappointed when it did not match my expectations. Class assignments or presentations that I was trying so desperately to show off my knowledge or skills with ended up lackluster. I was anxious about making sure my first relationship worked out and it broke apart.
If you hold sand in a fist, it all falls out but if you cup it gently in the palm of your hand you can hold on to a great deal. People and outcomes are the same. If you are too attached to them, you hold them in a fist and they will slip away.
And so I thank this friend for reminding me to stop grabbing the sand in a fist. Even though I didn’t like what he said, I am grateful that he reminded me of the great fall caused by attachment, as outlined by Krishna. I will not stop trying to hold the sand in my hand, but I can at least stop making a fist.
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