Skip to main content

The Necessity of Finland


Before I moved out of my apartment in my hometown and left for Finland, I decided to have a few friends over for dinner. It was a big deal because 1) I didn’t really invite people over 2) I decided to make Indian food, on my own. I was extremely nervous the entire afternoon and stayed mostly quiet while my guests were there. They had fun, which was my consolation, but part of me was glad when it was over.

This dinner came to mind the other day when I invited almost everyone I know in Finland for Ice Cream Sunday (I was rather pleased with the name). The people I called were classmates in my program, from my Finnish classes, friends I have met at events; in other words, an odd assortment of people who didn’t know each other very well. This evening I was not quiet or nervous. Instead I felt in charge and poised. I knew what I was doing.

There were two years in between these two parties. In the intervening years I came to Finland. I completed a Masters degree, played MC at an event, traveled alone for the first time, among a host of other things. There was a tremendous amount of growth that let this new me host a party without feeling anxious.

A visiting professor from the U.S. who I was touring around questioned me if this growth would have happened even if I had stayed in the U.S.; whether moving to Finland was completely necessary to bring the change from the first dinner party to the second gathering. I don’t remember how I answered him; it was an answer cobbled together in the moment.

But I am convinced that being abroad was key to this growth. It forced me to reach out to others, because without friends, the long dark winter only feels longer and darker. I had to learn different codes for everything, from how to stand in line at the bank (take a number or you will never reach the counter, as I learned the hard way first day I was here), to socializing with Finns (it takes a very long time to feel any level of closeness, a very long time). You must learn to adapt, bending yourself to fit the new molds you find yourself in, all the while preserving who you are.

Being in Finland allowed me to redefine who I was on my own terms in a society in which being yourself as the core of national identity. Here I can make presentations in front of large audiences or be quiet and reserved at social gatherings. Being different, looking different, I must always be prepared to adapt so I can blend in as much as possible. At the same time, I feel a sense of freedom to be different, to be American, to be Indian, because that is who I am.

Contradictions in my identity abound but I revel in them and embrace them now rather than trying to be just one thing. I can be Finnish, American, Indian. I can be hostess at a party. I can stand in front of a crowd and consider myself modestly (very modestly) funny. I can be me.

Comments

  1. UnknownJune 24, 2018 at 11:03 AM

    OH M G, what a beautiful journey!!!! your redefined sense of self is absolutely powerful. I think many humans desire to do what you did but never find the space or courage to do so!!! I think I've had to redefine myself several times over the years in smaller milestones, but the biggest changes were probably during the transition to college and then when my mother was sick for a year in culmination of a cruise trip with a friend. It redefined for me new emphasis on values and the reduction of emphasis on other values in addition to tolerance. What I tolerated became intolerable what some things that were personally irritating were now forgiving and not bothersome. Thanks for sharing and inviting me to reflect on my journey too.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Policy, Privilege and Pudding

Temptation incarnate I have now told myself that I really need to cut down on my sugar habit at least five times since coming to Berkeley. To be clear, this only counts the times I have said this with the serious will power to try changing my eating habits. There are numerous other times when I have thought I ought to change my eating whilst eating a cookie or buying the fourth ice cream in the past five days. My poor fellow has had to deal with listening to me say on every one of these occasions that this time will be different or listen to me dwell excessively on how the day went in terms of eating sugar for the entire time. He’s been a good sport about it and doesn’t judge me for my inability to stay away. I am about to start on my sixth endeavor. This time, I have set a time frame and I am planning on sticking to it. Even though it makes the hours seem so much longer as I continuously talk myself out of eating the chocolate pudding temptingly sitting in the fridge....
Post a Comment
Read more

Becoming Finnish

I have spent the past six months passionately insisting that I will never join in on the uniquely Finnish experience of ice sauna-ing. Ice sauna-ing is a made up word for one of Finnish people’s favorite past times: going to a sauna and then jumping into a freezing lake. My friend is extremely persuasive and after six months of describing her own sauna-ing adventures managed to get me to agree to join her and her husband at a public sauna near a river. The sauna itself is a small wooden building attached to locker rooms and a common area where you can sit and eat after you are done. The first thing that catches your attention is the bridge going out above the water. Around the bridge the water is freely moving but farther out you can see it is frozen over and covered in snow. At the end of the bridge there are six sets of stairs leading into the water. What arrests the eye though is the people walking out onto the bridge wearing swimsuits and confidently walking straig...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Simple Joys

Central Park My answer to people when they ask me how I like New York is to say something diplomatic like “I’m glad it’s only for five years” or “I’ll get used to it” or “It’s the complete opposite of Turku.” This last answer is my favorite to think about. Turku was quiet, peaceful, homogeneous, clean, easy-going. New York is loud, aggressive, diverse, dirty and rushed. I felt at home in Turku, I do not feel at home here. (Though diversity is one thing that New York has going for it over Turku) But there are small pleasures I have discovered and so I will devote this post to those small moments of joy in my new, temporary home. My version of coffee 1.      Coffee. This is not unique to New York— in fact, I actually make it at home so I could make it anywhere—but I have found that nothing compares to making a cup of Indian style cappuccino (hand whipped instant coffee with lots of sugar and only milk) while I read articles...
Post a Comment
Read more