Small Acts of Love

A game of hockey going on on the river

My boyfriend plays on a hockey team from September to May. It isn’t an official team—they don’t play games throughout the season and aren’t in any leagues—but they meet diligently every week for practice (he actually plays with two teams but it still isn’t clear to me what the difference is between them except that one team is better than the other). This requires some dedication because practices for both teams are either very late in the evening or very early in the morning.

At the end of their season, before they take a break for the summer, the players come together and have a full-length game. I wanted to go last year and this year but wasn’t able to make it either time. Instead I asked him to send me a picture of himself in all of his gear. Last year he sent me a selfie of himself before the game, but without his gear on so I hoped this year he would manage to get a picture with both. He did not.

I was willing to drop it, figuring eventually I will see him outfitted as a tough hockey player. The gear all came home, was washed and put in his very large hockey bag. And then it sat in the hallway for two weeks. I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t put it away since usually he’s very good about putting things where they need to go.

It turned out he was waiting to put on all of the gear for me before putting it away. And so one evening, after he had come home from work, made food for both of us and packed for a trip he was about to take, he asked me if I wanted to see him with his gear on.

The process was intensive. I counted over ten articles of clothing or equipment. As I watched him put all of this stuff on, I thought about how much I would hate having to do this when I wasn’t about to go play some real hockey and how I would likely try talking my way out of doing this or forget about it entirely. But he did it. For me.

It’s these small things that people do for us (like putting on all of their hockey gear) that bring the most joy. I always thought that most elaborate, sweet gestures were the most romantic, but the reality is that it’s the small ones that count most. I like to think of them as small acts of love.

And this is true of all relationships and in can be in even smaller ways. For me, my small gestures towards friends have been to show gratitude more for the small things instead of apologizing. So instead of telling someone sorry for being late, I try thanking them for waiting (I started this after reading this article from The Atlantic). I’m reaching out to people to acknowledge the effort they have put, no matter how big or small the effort is.

I also am trying to ask them about little things that I remember about their lives. If someone has an event coming up, I try asking them about it when it happens, or if a friend tells me about plans to bake a cake, I will try asking how it came out.

So far, showing gratitude and interest have been the only way I have consciously tried to do more small acts of love, but I plan on finding more and doing them with greater intention. This introspection is important, I think, in making them more of a habit. So here's to spreading more joy and love around as the school year ends and summer rolls in.