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Love Letter 2.0


One of my dearest friends got married recently and I flew all the way from Finland to the US just for the wedding. While I was there I realized that I had known her for the least amount of time compared to the rest of her friends. They all were from grad school, from college, even middle school. Consequently, I had spent relatively less time with her, had fewer memories shared with her. But this did not mean I loved her any less than the rest of her friends who were in the room.

And it certainly did not mean she had had any less of an impact on my life. In the space of a year she has wedged into my heart and become one of my best friends.

Comparisons are dangerous because it is easy to think less of yourself when looking at the shiny exteriors of other people’s lives. In this case, however, I realized that the amount of time I had known her didn’t matter. Whether it be a few months or a year, a few years or a decade, the amount of time does not determine how much of an impact the person will have on your life.

Perhaps my most interesting personal example is a friend who I have never met in person. I met him online through an Indian dating site, back when I was trying desperately to take some measure of control in my life. He was in Viet Nam at the time (the correct spelling of Viet Nam was one thing I learned from him). We talked a handful of times before he suddenly disappeared on me. One day I simply stopped getting any replies to emails. I was disheartened by his desertion and struggled to figure out what in the world I had done to scare him away.

He faded from my memory until six months later when I found an email from him in my inbox. We have talked a few times since then. It was he who persuaded me away from staying in Turku and working on the ships over the summer, the job that pretty much everyone I know seems to be doing. Instead I went to Berkeley and made my personal and professional foundation even stronger.

Some people only come into your life for a season. Sometimes you hate when they leave. Other times you wish that person had never come at all. I’ve had both kinds of people in mine but I have learned that they leave your life when it is time. It might not suit your fancy but it is what is best for you.

And so I thank those people who have stayed in my life no matter how recently we met. And I also thank those who have come and left, who may never see this. You are just as important because you have built me up in your own way.

I love you all.

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