Changing Seasons

The leaves in Turku are changing color. It took me by surprise for some reason, it feels like the change just crept up on me. I looked at the trees in the cemetery behind my apartment and suddenly realized they were no longer the sea of green that they had been two weeks ago.

The change from summer to fall used to make me a little sad. Fall meant the coming of cold weather, cloudy, shorter days and the stress of school resuming. The only way I appreciated the changing colors of the leaves was that they made me realize how green everything had been during the summer.

Last year was the first year when this feeling did not hit me at all. Everything was too new and exciting for me to care that the weather was changing, that classes were bringing copious amounts of work or that there was increasingly fewer daylight hours. In fact, I welcomed all of it as part of the adventure.

This year though, all of the nerves and apprehension returned. The newness of the Finnish adventure is gone, I thought. I felt that there was no possibility for this year to match the wonderful new people I had met last year or the opportunities I had found. And how much more could I have to learn about the new country I was in?

(This last one arose out of the despair the first two thoughts caused. There are, of course, plenty of new things to learn, they just require a little more effort to find.)

But the fall colors are coming again and I have found the changing of the season has also brought a change of perspective. Looking back at last year, I realized that my time here has been in phases, with different friends, activities, worries and adventures dominating each. They are like the planets moving in and out of your life, each combination bringing a unique tenor to your days.

This new year is a new phase. I have new people who have come in place of those who left. People who I look forward to baking homemade pop-tarts with, relaxing in summer cottages with, and attending dance shows with (not to mention drinking copious amounts of chai). They have their own stories to tell and interests to share. I have also found a rhythm to my work, to build from what we all started when we came to the LLEES program. And I have started to look to the future-- to what happens after this master’s is over.

While the new season for me has been easy to accept and find the good in, I know that this is not always the case. There are times when the combination of planets brings bad tides. But they will change again and eventually bring good again.

I am now welcoming the changing color of the leaves. I am welcoming fall and all the phases it will bring. And I am feeling gratitude for what past seasons have already brought.