Skip to main content

Love Letter 2.0


One of my dearest friends got married recently and I flew all the way from Finland to the US just for the wedding. While I was there I realized that I had known her for the least amount of time compared to the rest of her friends. They all were from grad school, from college, even middle school. Consequently, I had spent relatively less time with her, had fewer memories shared with her. But this did not mean I loved her any less than the rest of her friends who were in the room.

And it certainly did not mean she had had any less of an impact on my life. In the space of a year she has wedged into my heart and become one of my best friends.

Comparisons are dangerous because it is easy to think less of yourself when looking at the shiny exteriors of other people’s lives. In this case, however, I realized that the amount of time I had known her didn’t matter. Whether it be a few months or a year, a few years or a decade, the amount of time does not determine how much of an impact the person will have on your life.

Perhaps my most interesting personal example is a friend who I have never met in person. I met him online through an Indian dating site, back when I was trying desperately to take some measure of control in my life. He was in Viet Nam at the time (the correct spelling of Viet Nam was one thing I learned from him). We talked a handful of times before he suddenly disappeared on me. One day I simply stopped getting any replies to emails. I was disheartened by his desertion and struggled to figure out what in the world I had done to scare him away.

He faded from my memory until six months later when I found an email from him in my inbox. We have talked a few times since then. It was he who persuaded me away from staying in Turku and working on the ships over the summer, the job that pretty much everyone I know seems to be doing. Instead I went to Berkeley and made my personal and professional foundation even stronger.

Some people only come into your life for a season. Sometimes you hate when they leave. Other times you wish that person had never come at all. I’ve had both kinds of people in mine but I have learned that they leave your life when it is time. It might not suit your fancy but it is what is best for you.

And so I thank those people who have stayed in my life no matter how recently we met. And I also thank those who have come and left, who may never see this. You are just as important because you have built me up in your own way.

I love you all.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Necessity of Finland

Before I moved out of my apartment in my hometown and left for Finland, I decided to have a few friends over for dinner. It was a big deal because 1) I didn’t really invite people over 2) I decided to make Indian food, on my own. I was extremely nervous the entire afternoon and stayed mostly quiet while my guests were there. They had fun, which was my consolation, but part of me was glad when it was over. This dinner came to mind the other day when I invited almost everyone I know in Finland for Ice Cream Sunday (I was rather pleased with the name). The people I called were classmates in my program, from my Finnish classes, friends I have met at events; in other words, an odd assortment of people who didn’t know each other very well. This evening I was not quiet or nervous. Instead I felt in charge and poised. I knew what I was doing. There were two years in between these two parties. In the intervening years I came to Finland. I completed a Masters degre...
1 comment
Read more

Working Identities

The halls of a TC building where I must be a doctoral student It’s been a while since my last post. To be honest, I haven’t done much besides school work, to the point that the I no longer know what to tell people when they ask me what my hobbies are. Which also means I feel a constant looming pressure of knowing I live in a big city with a reputation for never sleeping yet I spend my weekends holed up in my room or in the library (and the occasional coffee shop). This is not to say that I spend all of my time doing doctoral work. I have found two outlets in the form of jobs that have enriched this semester in ways that I didn’t expect. One is at a preschool, the other is working at the Graduate Writing Center consulting students working on academic writing projects. After not working for two years, I had forgotten what it feels like to be part of something that allows for change that you can actually see. Teaching is always rewarding as you watch children grow and marvel...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Perfect Day

A favorite activity of mine to do with people I don’t know very well has been the 36 Questions that lead to Love . The title is misleading because, while the questions are ostensibly meant for romantic relationships, they really can be used with anyone you want to get closer to. One of the questions on this list asks you to describe your perfect day. I have always described this more or less the same way: a day mixed with down time and some work, with no stress of commitments to make or deadlines but still with some purpose, and spent with people around me who I love. I’ve always described this day as an ideal that I will probably not achieve but one that I can dream about anyway. But the thing is, in Finland, especially in the past month, I have had more than a few days that fit the bill. I have a few things to thank for that. Chief among them is my boyfriend and his love of the summer cottage. We have spent almost every weekend this month at his cottage. The second is my cour...
1 comment
Read more